Generik:
"Oh dear... this always happens after communion when we have the Reverend Jim Jones as our guest minister..."

HoneyT:
Apparently, no one heeded Dubya's warning: "Everyone be quiet or I'll clear the room!"

DiscoBoy:
"Hey! That guy down in pew six didn't get his Kool-Aid!"

Lanzman:
Attendance at Friday night mass skyrocketed once Reverend Lovejoy switched from communion wafers to Chicken McNuggets.

Agent_Moldy:
No! No! I said, 'filibuster', not, "Fill with butts, sir!"

UpSky2:
Never cry wolf. Never. ........ ...... ....... nor cry 'Where the heck did my wad of hundred dollar bills go!? I MUSTA DROPPED'M!' in church, or Parliament. (Congress would require thousand-dollar bills.)

Chebby:
WARNING! Never trust the cool aid.

Mystic_Cobra_6:
"Hidin' from the collection plate, are ya??"

chilwil:
the parishoners began looking for anything handy when the archbishop law said "let ye who is without sin cast the first stone."

beckett:
Although healed from his blindness, even the Lord was apparently unable to do anything about Bobby's ability to produce such rank farts that it dropped half the congregation where they stood."

chilwil:
bad idea: yelling out "rapture check!" on the day of the tri-state powerball lottery worth $369,000,000.

beckett:
The Senator from the Great state of Wyoming says: "never mind, I found my contact right here on the podium. Okay NOW lets get back to the peoples business of banging some interns!!"

Cappa:
fresno, california. the people's church annual charity: letting the handicapped find those March Of Dimes themdamnselves.

Grunion:
"Holy Heimlich, Batman! They're all gagging on Koolaid Christianity!"